The phrase above comes from a well know song called "Perfect Circle" by Katie Melua, an outstanding young girl with a great voice. It feels right for this to be used as the title of this post, because it kind of happens to all of us, it kind of happens to me too much lately. So I thought if I 'd share some thoughts with you guys so I could... let go of my scratching! I 'm gonna use some lines of the mentioned song to analyze how I've been feeling.
No1: Falling out of our homemade castle
This is somehing that has been hard for me to deal with, and I guess the same has happened to you too. When you are growing up you get this idea that every time things go wrong they will magically get fixed sooner or later and all you have to do is be strong enough to make it through. It's always someone else' s problem to solve, it's never yours. Parents, siblings, friends and family all give a hand to get it over with. It feels great to have all these people around us, willing to help with anything we need them to, it's a blessing to be surrounded by such people. But as things get harder, people only have enough energy to solve their own problems and we have to grow out of this previous benefitial situation. I now see that noone will fix my mess, that I will have to not get away, but to get out of it. You can't expect things to just... get better. You need to take action and you need to do it now. The longer it takes you to get up and start your battle, the longer it 'll take you to see the bright sky and the sun again.
No2: A mask is easy to place
Well, I guess we all have placed a mask sometime in our lives, we have all felt the need to be someone we are not or even not to be who we are... I used to think that the way to get out of this feeling is to just... get up and leave. Leave your place, leave the country, start over and never look back. I took care of everything, I decided to leave and I was ready to get on the plane when I realized: no matter how far you try to go from all your problems you 'll never get away from them. You can't escape, because the problem is not where you live, or who you live with, it's simply YOU. You are your problem, it's you that you can't stand, it's you that needs to be fixed. So, don't try to run away, just stay there, be strong and face yourself. Look in the mirror, make decisions and keep up with them so you don't let yourself down again.
No3: Rolling up my sleeves, to fight against all the things I locked up, all the things I fenced
Haven't you "fenced" the things you weren't ready to deal with? Well, I have. It's this kind of situation that you just don't feel strong to face what has recked you. It's like, trying to have a nice chat with the guy that just dumped you, or running into that "stupid bitch" that used to be your "best friend" and not knowing if you want to say hi or if you just want to smash her brains in. It's that feeling you get when you are on the edge of forgiving something huge but you are not sure you are over it yet. My advice: forgive other people, you never know what made them act the way they did and you never can know how big of a part you played for that to happen. Let go of your hate or anger, it will only make you a better person and after all, you probably owe it to someone else you hurt. Because we all have caused pain to someone whether we like it or not, whether we know it or not.
No4: Why am I fighting, what is it for?
Sometimes we want something so much we are willing to do anything to get it. But when things get rough we tend to insist and some go out of their way just to go after this little "something" they are chasing. And when we finally end up doing stupid things and suddenly realize, we don't even remember where this whole thing started from! We then have to take a moment and ask ourselves what is it we are really looking for? What is it we need to be happy? Most of the times we 'll see that it's not such a big deal we lost at the damn board game last week, nor is it of big importance that we didn't get to buy that great pair of shoes we saw the other day.
No5: My scars I shouldn't hide from the people who are on my side
Just... don't! Don't let yourselves get all closed up. People that love you deserve to know what is going on in your life so they can be helpful. Otherwise it's us putting them on the shelf of our life and then afterwords complain how we are so lonely and unfortunate. We also have to make sure to remember: not everything is about us. So if you close up to a person that is "on your side" they will eventually feel the urge to do the same when they have a problem of their own to deal with. I guess if you love someone you don't want to see them suffer and you 'd take the opportunity to help them if you had it. It's up to us to keep our beloved people close, and... according to the saying: our enemies closer (evil laugh).
Unfortunately, no matter how many times I tell myself those things, it doesn't seem to make a difference. I guess I 'm "hopeless" as a good friend of mine says, so I 'm telling you all this my friends cuz... Even when I'm walking straight I always end up in a perfect circle.
Maybe some of you will finally get to walk in a different geometric shape.
Loads of kisses,
ChicaGriega^^
